Sympathy vs Condolence: What’s the Difference?

Quick answer: Sympathy is a feeling of sorrow or concern for someone who is struggling. Condolences are the words or gestures you offer to someone grieving, usually after a death. You feel sympathy, and you offer condolences.

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Sympathy

A feeling of sorrow or concern for someone’s hardship.

“I have deep sympathy for anyone facing that.”

Condolences

Words of comfort offered to someone grieving a death.

“Please accept my condolences.”

Empathy

Sharing or understanding another person’s feelings.

“Her empathy helped me feel understood.”

Condolense

A common misspelling. The correct spelling is “condolence.”

“Send your condolences, not your condolenses.”

People mix up sympathy vs condolence because both show up in the same sad moments, such as cards, funerals and messages to grieving friends. The two words are related, but they are not interchangeable in every sentence, and one of them is often misspelled.

TermMeaningPart of speech / CategoryExample sentence
SympathyA feeling of sorrow or concern for someone else’s trouble, or an expression of that feelingNoun (feeling)She felt great sympathy for her neighbor.
Condolence(s)An expression of sympathy to someone grieving, usually after a deathNoun (statement or gesture), usually pluralHe offered his condolences to the family.
SympathizeTo feel or show sympathyVerbI sympathize with you.
CondolenseA misspelling of “condolence”Not a standard wordNot used in correct writing.

What does “sympathy” mean?

“Sympathy” means a feeling of sorrow or concern for another person’s hardship. It can apply to many situations, such as illness, a job loss or a breakup, not just death.

It can also mean the expression of that feeling, as in “a sympathy card” or “words of sympathy.” The related verb is “sympathize”: “I sympathize with what you are going through.”

What does “condolence” mean?

A condolence is an expression of sympathy to someone who is grieving, most often after a death. The word is usually plural: “Please accept my condolences.”

Condolences are something you say, write or send. You “offer,” “send,” “extend” or “express” them, and you do not usually “feel” them.

What is the difference between sympathy and condolence?

The main difference is feeling versus expression and the range of situations. Sympathy is the inner feeling and covers many kinds of hardship, while condolences are the comforting words offered to someone who has lost a loved one.

A quick way to see it: you can have sympathy for a friend who failed an exam, but you would not send condolences for that. After a death, you can say you have sympathy, or you can offer your condolences, and both are natural.

Is “condolense” a real word?

No, “condolense” is a misspelling. The correct spelling is “condolence,” with “-ence” at the end, and it usually appears as “condolences.”

Search engines and spell checkers catch this slip, but it is easy to make when typing a message quickly. If you are writing a card, double-check the spelling before you send it.

Which should you use in a sympathy card or message?

Both work, and a card can be called either a sympathy card or a condolence card. In the message itself, phrases like “my deepest sympathy” and “my sincere condolences” are both common and appropriate.

If the loss is not a death, such as a divorce or a serious illness, “sympathy” or “I’m so sorry” is the better fit. “Condolences” can sound too final for those situations.

What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, while empathy is sharing or understanding their feelings from their point of view. Sympathy looks at the person’s pain from the outside, and empathy steps closer to it.

Common mistakes with sympathy vs condolence

  • ✗ I send you my condolense.
    ✓ I send you my condolences.
  • ✗ Please accept my condolences for your breakup.
    ✓ I’m sorry about your breakup. You have my sympathy.
  • ✗ I condolence you on your loss.
    ✓ I offer you my condolences on your loss.
  • ✗ I have a lot of condolences for her.
    ✓ I have a lot of sympathy for her.
  • ✗ Sorry for your condolences.
    ✓ Please accept my condolences.

Memory tricks

  • You feel sympathy; you offer condolences. One is a feeling, the other is something you give.
  • Condolence ends in “-ence,” like “absence.” It is the word for an absence, a loss, and it never ends in “-ense.”
  • Think “con-” as “with.” Condolences are said with the grieving person, to comfort them.

FAQ

Is it condolence or condolences?

“Condolences” is the usual form, as in “my condolences.” The singular “condolence” appears mostly in phrases like “a letter of condolence.”

Can I say sympathy instead of condolences?

Yes, in most cases. Phrases like “my deepest sympathy” work after a death, and “sympathy” also fits other hardships where “condolences” would not.

How do you spell condolence?

It is spelled c-o-n-d-o-l-e-n-c-e, ending in “-ence.” The form “condolense” is a common misspelling.

What should I write in a sympathy card?

Keep it short and sincere, such as “I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m thinking of you.” Add a kind memory of the person if you have one.

Is sympathy the same as empathy?

No. Sympathy is feeling sorrow for someone, while empathy is sharing or understanding what they feel.

Conclusion

When it comes to sympathy vs condolence, remember that sympathy is the feeling and condolences are the words you offer after a loss. Spell it “condolence,” never “condolense.” Share this with someone who is writing a card and wants to get it right.

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